Mental load
Sharing the mental load
You share the mental load by sharing whole tasks instead of single chores. Each task has one owner who thinks of it, plans it and does it, without the other person having to remind them. Start with a calm conversation about how things are now, choose owners by area and agree a regular moment to adjust.
The conversation in five steps
- Choose a calm momentNot during a row about the dishwasher. Put it in the calendar, half an hour.
- Start with how things areBoth take the mental load test or tick the checklist. Compare without judging.
- Share by areaFor example: food and shopping with one of you, money and paperwork with the other. Whole areas are easiest.
- Agree what owner meansThe owner thinks of it, plans it and does it, and may do it their own way.
- Plan the next check-inAfter a month: what is working, what is not, what shall we swap?
A chore or a whole task
| Task | Just the chore | The whole task |
|---|---|---|
| Washing | Putting a load on when asked | Seeing the basket is full, washing, drying, folding, buying detergent |
| Birthdays | Going to the party | Remembering, buying the present, the card, arranging the visit |
| Swimming lessons | Taking them on Saturday | Packing the bag, knowing the holidays, paying, booking the next level |
| Car | Filling up | MOT or NCT, servicing, tyres, insurance |
Phrases that help
- "I notice I am remembering a lot. Can we look together at everything there is?"
- "Would you take over food completely, including the planning?"
- "If the washing is yours, I will stop reminding you. Even if you do it differently from me."
- "Shall we look in a month at how it is going?"
A regular fifteen-minute check-in
| Part | Question | Time |
|---|---|---|
| Calendar | What is on next week, who drops off and picks up? | 5 min |
| Food | What are we eating, who does the shopping? | 3 min |
| Money and paperwork | Does anything need paying, sending or cancelling? | 3 min |
| People | Birthdays, visits, who have we not seen in a while? | 2 min |
| Adjust | Is the split still working? | 2 min |
How SortYourMind does it
Less in your head, more in one place
SortYourMind keeps track of what you would otherwise have to remember. Routines come back by themselves on their rhythm, paperwork gets a moment in your week, and anything that depends on someone else you park until they reply. With Family, each person has their own account with their own plan; there is no shared task list.
- Routines on their rhythm: you do not have to remember when something is due
- Waiting for reply: you see who you are waiting on and when to follow up
- Seeing who you have not spoken to in a while
- Family: up to 5 accounts, each with their own plan
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