SortYourMind

Mental load

The mental load: the work nobody sees

By Bram, maker of SortYourMind · Updated

The mental load is the invisible thinking behind a household: noticing something has run out, remembering when things are due, thinking ahead and planning. The doing is often shared, the thinking much less. You make it lighter by making it visible first, then sharing whole tasks, thinking included, and writing it down outside your head.

Doing and thinking

The same chore, two kinds of work
TaskThe doingThe thinking
ShoppingGoing to the shopNoticing what has run out, knowing what you will eat, writing the list
BirthdayHanding over the presentRemembering, thinking of something, buying it, wrapping it
Swimming lessonsTaking the childPacking the bag, knowing when there is no lesson, paying
InsuranceFilling in the formKnowing when it renews, comparing, deciding

How do you recognise it?

  • You often hear "just tell me if you need me to do something"
  • You lie awake making lists in your head
  • When you are away for a week, all sorts of things go wrong
  • You remind others of what they need to do
  • You see things others do not see

Lighter in four steps

  1. Make it visibleWrite down everything you remember and arrange. The mental load checklist helps.
  2. Look at it togetherThe mental load test gives an overview in ten minutes, on your own or with your partner.
  3. Share whole tasksNot "can you help with the washing", but "the washing is yours": thinking, planning and doing. See sharing the mental load.
  4. Get it out of your headWhat is written down in a calendar or planner, you no longer have to remember.

Read on

Mental load testTake the free mental load test: 20 questions about who thinks of things and plans them, on your own or with your partner. With an overview and a sharing list.The mental load checklistA long list of the invisible jobs in a household: home, food, children, money, family and planning. To tick off, print and share out fairly.Sharing the mental loadSharing the mental load fairly with your partner: a conversation in five steps, whole tasks with one owner, a regular check-in and phrases that help.

How SortYourMind does it

Less in your head, more in one place

SortYourMind keeps track of what you would otherwise have to remember. Routines come back by themselves on their rhythm, paperwork gets a moment in your week, and anything that depends on someone else you park until they reply. With Family, each person has their own account with their own plan; there is no shared task list.

  • Routines on their rhythm: you do not have to remember when something is due
  • Waiting for reply: you see who you are waiting on and when to follow up
  • Seeing who you have not spoken to in a while
  • Family: up to 5 accounts, each with their own plan

Try it free for 30 days

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Questions

Is the mental load the same as stress?

No. The mental load is the thinking itself: remembering, planning, looking ahead. It can feel heavy, but it is work you can see, share and partly hand over.

Does it only affect parents?

No. People who live alone, care for a parent or live together without children carry thinking work too. With children a lot more comes on top.